Our Family Rules for Kids 6 Through 13
The Dos and Don'ts of Household Rules for Kids
Our house is basically like a rave, but without the drugs and alcohol (unless you count coffee). I think we are a pretty typical mix of extrovert and introvert. A couple of us are diagnosed ADHD, a couple love loud and a couple love quiet. Making the home a place for all of our personalities to blend and get what they need has been a learning curve for the hubs and I.
We have experimented with more strict rules about volume and designated homework times, and (due to me being the free spirit I am) have also gone through periods where no one is really enforcing any kind of rules at all, save for "wear your seat belt" and "don't smoke crack," which should really go without saying.
These are the rules in our house for our kids (ages 6-13):
1-Electronics OUT of bedrooms
2-Electronics on the counter by 8 p.m.
3-Brush and floss your teeth
4-Choose protein for snacks
5-Do your chores without being told
6-Do your chores RIGHT the 1st time
7-Do your chores with a good attitude
8-Lights out at 10/9/7:30
2-Household rules should protect our kids
Notice that THREE of the other rules have to do with devices and sleep (which is a huge problem with youth in our society right now). I have kids in class every day who are struggling to stay awake, not because they're teenagers and it's just normal, but because they are up late on their phones. Our kids need us to protect them from addiction, social pressure and unhealthy coping mechanisms; like playing Tetris until they pas out instead of learning how to fall asleep naturally. Most kids will not make those decisions on their own, they need to be taught healthy boundaries through rules.
With our older child we use Verizon Smart Family to limit his access to lots of things during the school day, some things after school, and screen time per-day every day of the week. If your child has their own device they absolutely HAVE to have these safeguards put in place by parents. remember, the part of their little brains responsible for making good decisions (i.e. NOT sending nudes through the interwebs) is under construction during adolescence. We have talks with him all the time about making good social media choices. We also have it set up where he literally cannot post things without our click of permission through the app.
We also close all of the house's devices down by 8 so we can prepare our brains for sleep. According to the CDC many of our kids are not getting enough sleep, which makes them dumber, crankier, and more obnoxious (that last one is not according to the CDC, that's just personal experience.)
3-Household rules should teach our kids how to keep themselves healthy. If I could tattoo my kids with reminders to brush their teeth and not eat sugar I would. they seriously need every ounce of reminder to do, and not do, those two things. Especially for the two of us with ADHD, too much sugar is bad (duh) but it is just so easy. There is sugar everywhere! We are trying to teach the kids to at least not resort to sugar when they are hungry, so we all see it as a treat and not a food group. The reason we focus on brushing and flossing (versus listing every other thing they should do for their bodies every day) is that so many studies show that mouth health is an indicator of every other part of the body. Basically, if kids learn to brush and floss well, everyday, they are far more likely to learn to be cognizant of everything else as time goes on.
THE DON'TS OF HOUSEHOLD RULES
1-Don't make your rules with a lot of "don'ts" and "nos." Is that a super hypocritical first thing to write for the don't list or what?! The brains of children pick up phrases louder than pretexts, so if I say "Don't look at me" they will look right at me because they hear "look at me" louder than the "don't." It is much more efficient, as much as possible, to tell kids what they should do.
2-Don't make the list too long, too specific, too vague, or too age specific if you have multiple ages. A good set of rules applies to everyone, is easy to see, read and remember.
REWARDS AND CONSEQUENCES
I'm sure there is plenty of room for debate on this topic but we do not reward our kids for obeying the rules OR doing their chores. Their reward for obedience is learning how to be the best version of themselves. They do their chores because they live in our house. That being said, when there is an attitude problem or routine forgetting-of-duties (especially with the 13 year-old) the first step is to take away screen time and the second is fun time with friends. At this point, we are all used to the rules and things go pretty smoothly. Like I said earlier for those raising your eyebrow at me doubting that we keep the teenager unglued from his phone, we still rely heavily on Verizon Smart Family to do a ton of that enforcement for us!
At the end of the day your rules have to make sense for your family. If what you're doing isn't working you get to try something different =)
Venture on Mommas and Poppas--we're all in this together!
Briana
Our house is basically like a rave, but without the drugs and alcohol (unless you count coffee). I think we are a pretty typical mix of extrovert and introvert. A couple of us are diagnosed ADHD, a couple love loud and a couple love quiet. Making the home a place for all of our personalities to blend and get what they need has been a learning curve for the hubs and I.
We have experimented with more strict rules about volume and designated homework times, and (due to me being the free spirit I am) have also gone through periods where no one is really enforcing any kind of rules at all, save for "wear your seat belt" and "don't smoke crack," which should really go without saying.
These are the rules in our house for our kids (ages 6-13):
2-Electronics on the counter by 8 p.m.
3-Brush and floss your teeth
4-Choose protein for snacks
5-Do your chores without being told
6-Do your chores RIGHT the 1st time
7-Do your chores with a good attitude
8-Lights out at 10/9/7:30
What we have found is that simple rules, posted smack dab in the middle of our house, that apply to everyone, are the most effective.
THE "DOS" OF RULES
1-Household rules should reflect our family values
Notice that THREE of the rules have to do with their chore lists. They each have a different list which are specific to their age and their strengths and weaknesses (Sugar Maple House blogpost on "Chores"). That's because when Chris and I sat down to write them out we knew we want something as simple as household rules to reflect our values, and the values we want to instill in our kids. One of the most important things to us, one of the best compliments I can give about another person, is that they are a HARD WORKER.
Notice that THREE of the other rules have to do with devices and sleep (which is a huge problem with youth in our society right now). I have kids in class every day who are struggling to stay awake, not because they're teenagers and it's just normal, but because they are up late on their phones. Our kids need us to protect them from addiction, social pressure and unhealthy coping mechanisms; like playing Tetris until they pas out instead of learning how to fall asleep naturally. Most kids will not make those decisions on their own, they need to be taught healthy boundaries through rules.
With our older child we use Verizon Smart Family to limit his access to lots of things during the school day, some things after school, and screen time per-day every day of the week. If your child has their own device they absolutely HAVE to have these safeguards put in place by parents. remember, the part of their little brains responsible for making good decisions (i.e. NOT sending nudes through the interwebs) is under construction during adolescence. We have talks with him all the time about making good social media choices. We also have it set up where he literally cannot post things without our click of permission through the app.
We also close all of the house's devices down by 8 so we can prepare our brains for sleep. According to the CDC many of our kids are not getting enough sleep, which makes them dumber, crankier, and more obnoxious (that last one is not according to the CDC, that's just personal experience.)
3-Household rules should teach our kids how to keep themselves healthy. If I could tattoo my kids with reminders to brush their teeth and not eat sugar I would. they seriously need every ounce of reminder to do, and not do, those two things. Especially for the two of us with ADHD, too much sugar is bad (duh) but it is just so easy. There is sugar everywhere! We are trying to teach the kids to at least not resort to sugar when they are hungry, so we all see it as a treat and not a food group. The reason we focus on brushing and flossing (versus listing every other thing they should do for their bodies every day) is that so many studies show that mouth health is an indicator of every other part of the body. Basically, if kids learn to brush and floss well, everyday, they are far more likely to learn to be cognizant of everything else as time goes on.
THE DON'TS OF HOUSEHOLD RULES
1-Don't make your rules with a lot of "don'ts" and "nos." Is that a super hypocritical first thing to write for the don't list or what?! The brains of children pick up phrases louder than pretexts, so if I say "Don't look at me" they will look right at me because they hear "look at me" louder than the "don't." It is much more efficient, as much as possible, to tell kids what they should do.
2-Don't make the list too long, too specific, too vague, or too age specific if you have multiple ages. A good set of rules applies to everyone, is easy to see, read and remember.
REWARDS AND CONSEQUENCES
I'm sure there is plenty of room for debate on this topic but we do not reward our kids for obeying the rules OR doing their chores. Their reward for obedience is learning how to be the best version of themselves. They do their chores because they live in our house. That being said, when there is an attitude problem or routine forgetting-of-duties (especially with the 13 year-old) the first step is to take away screen time and the second is fun time with friends. At this point, we are all used to the rules and things go pretty smoothly. Like I said earlier for those raising your eyebrow at me doubting that we keep the teenager unglued from his phone, we still rely heavily on Verizon Smart Family to do a ton of that enforcement for us!
At the end of the day your rules have to make sense for your family. If what you're doing isn't working you get to try something different =)
Venture on Mommas and Poppas--we're all in this together!
Briana
Comments
Post a Comment